i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize
