Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
