You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
