Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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