dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
