I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
