Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
i will never coherently bang her
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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