I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
