plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
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