Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
