made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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