the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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