When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
