The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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