My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
