well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
