Kiss
Puke
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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