I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
