question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Randomize
