I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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