You can't motorboat a personality
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
The beers last night were like the tears from god
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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