DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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