and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
