had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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