3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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