Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Randomize
