I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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