doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
