Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
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