sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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