Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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