not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
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