whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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