my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Randomize
