it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
