we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
i dont even know how to be here
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
