sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
The feeling are messing with the penis
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize
