I CAN MOONWALK!
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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