We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
