Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
