It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
