No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
