..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
