Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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