I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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