you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
