Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
