You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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