i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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