drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
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