Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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