the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
