:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I met the friendliest cop last night
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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