i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
