His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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